Amazing Message...

“The Best Lines ever said by a Man....."

When I was born, A Woman was there to hold me...... My Mother

As I grew up as a child, A woman was there to care & play with me..... My sister

I went to school, A Woman was there to help me learn...... My Teacher

I became depressed when I lost, A Woman was there to offer a shoulder... My Girlfriend

I needed compatibility, company & Love, A Woman was there for me.. My Wife

I became tough, A Woman was there to melt me..... My Daughter

When I will die, A Woman will be there to absorb me in....... Motherland

If you are a Man, value every Woman...& If you are a Woman, feel proud to be one

Give respect to women...
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  • Funny & True Example of Corruption

    Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. 

    One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

    They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

    The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

    The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

    The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

    The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

    The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

    "Done!" replies the government official.
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  • Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

    One Day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My Elbow hurts like the dickens!! I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

    'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

    'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

    It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

    So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

    He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. 

    He Pours the sample into the slot and waits. 10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. 

    Soak your arm in warm water and Epsom salts found on aisle 2. Avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

    That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

    He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and Daughter, and a sp*rm sample for good measure.

    Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

    The computer prints the following:

    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

    2. Your dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

    4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

    5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

    Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
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  • Very Funny Patient

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

    Are - my - test - results - back?"
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    Pappu went to USA and had a Face to Face meeting with OBAMA

    OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are. Come with me, He takes him to a forest.

    OBAMA : Dig the ground.

    Pappu did it.

    OBAMA : More….More… More …

    Pappu went up to 100 Feet.

    OBAMA : So now, try to search for something.

    Pappu : I got a Wire.

    OBAMA : You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones.

    Pappu became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to Nigeria. That year.

    OBAMA visited Nigeria.

    Pappu : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest.

    Pappu : Dig it.... OBAMA does.

    Pappu : More…. More… More……

    OBAMA goes upto almost 400 feet.

    Pappu : Try to find something.

    OBAMA tried.

    Pappu : Did you get anything ?

    OBAMA : No, there is nothing here.

    Pappu : you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we used to have WIRELESS mobile
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  • Dad's Coolest Reply

    One Day Evening, Dad's Daughter walks up to him..

    Daughter: Papa, I want to talk to you about something important. Do you have a few minutes now?

    Dad- Whats tht?

    Girl said: Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I  am in India and he lives in Alaska.

    We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed to me on skype, and now  we've had 2 months of relationship through Viber.

    I need your blessings and good wishes, daddy.


    Dad said: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter, have fun on tango.

    Buy your kids on e-bay, receive them through gmail.

    And if you are fed up with your husband...sell him on Amazon.

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  • Hilarious Multitasking

    A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

    On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

    While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

    The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

    The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

    'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

    On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

    The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, and have your way with me?'

    The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

    The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
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  • Insects

    A boy and his father were playing ball in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee.

    He ran over and stomped it.

    “Don’t do that, that was a honey bee,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you.

    For killing him you will do without honey for a week.”

    Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped on it.

    “That was a butterfly,” his father said, “he wasn’t doing anything to you, and for killing him you will do without butter for a week.”

    The next morning the family sat down for breakfast.

    The boy eating his toast plain with no honey or butter.

    Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under the stove.

    His mother stomped on it.

    The boy looked at his father and said, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?”
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  • Satan vs Guy.. Funniest Conversation..

    One day a guy dies and winds up in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…

    Satan: Why so glum?

    Guy: Why do you think? I’m in hell!

    Satan: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?

    Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

    Satan: Well you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer, soft drinks, you name it! We drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more. And you don’t have to worry about hangovers because you’re dead anyway.

    Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

    Satan: You a smoker?

    Guy: You better believe it!

    Satan: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer—no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?

    Guy: Wow… that’s awesome!

    Satan: I bet you like to gamble.

    Guy: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do.

    Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, and Kino. If you go bankrupt, you’re dead anyway. What about drugs?

    Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…

    Satan: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack…or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you’re dead, who cares?!?!?!

    Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

    Satan: You gay?

    Guy: No…

    Satan: Ooooh…You’re gonna HATE Fridays…
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  • 99.9% will answer wrong

    Below are four (4 ) questions and a bonus question. 

    You have to answer them instantly You can’t take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?

    Let’s find out just how clever you really are….

    Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

    First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
    (scroll down)

    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

    Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?

    Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are…? 


    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?
    You’re not very good at this, are you?

    Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?
    Scroll down for answer…..

    .Did you get 5000 ?
    The correct answer is actually 4100.
    If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you’ll get the last question right…. Maybe.

    Fourth Question: Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

    .Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

    Okay, now the bonus round:

    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

    Answer : He just has to open his mouth and ask… It’s really very simple.
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  • Unexpected Funny

    Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. 

    A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    MAN: “Hello”

    WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

    MAN: “Yes”

    WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

    MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.

    “WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked.

    “MAN: “How much?

    “WOMAN: “$65,000.

    “MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.

    “WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

    MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.

    “WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!

    “MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

    The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

    Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
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  • Very Funny Gay & Drunken

    A rancher dies and leaves everything to his wife.She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

    For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

    One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no hired hand.

    Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

    She quietly called him over to her..

    “Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

    Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

    He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks.”

    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

    “Now take off my skirt.”

    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. “Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

    Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”
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  • Funny Cuckooed

    The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'

    I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

    Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

    Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

    Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

    Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

    I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

    (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

    The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

    Whew, I got away with  that one!

    Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

    When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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  • Very Very Funny.. Must Read & Share

    Smith : Baby, I'm gonna tell you a story with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts!

    Cameron : "Alright love...."

    Smith : "Okay, I'm gonna start with part 1. There was a husband and a wife, they were driving to a campsite when they came upon a split road. The husband says "let's take the left one. "The wife says "I think we should take the right road." The husband slaps the wife across the face "who's driving, me or you ?" and they take the left path."

    Cameron : Hahahahahahahahaha

    Smith : Now i'm gonna tell you part 2. Once they get to the campsite the husband goes fishing so his wife can cook their dinner. He comes back and the wife says "good now I can cook fish soup for us to eat!" The husband says "but I wanna eat fried fish" The wife slaps the husband across the face and says "who's cooking me or you ?!" and they end up drinking fish soup.

    Cameron : Oh crap! Hahahahahahahahahaha

    Smith : Now I'm gonna tell you part 4

    Cameron : What about part 3 ?

    Smith : [Landed Cameron hot slap across the face] who's telling the story me or you!

    (We'll update you as soon as we're able to stop the fight)
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  • Very Very Funny

    A man, his wife, and their eight children were waiting at a bus stop.

    Not long after, A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

    When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus.

    So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

    After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him.

    "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is irritating me crazy!!"

    The blind man replies: "If you would have put a rubber on YOUR Stick (Pen**s), we'd be sitting in the bus.
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  • I am a MAN

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA is not an option. I will win.

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly).

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2013, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

    This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.
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  • True Husband.. Its So Funny

    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

    One day,their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

    Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm.

    As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.

    Mystified, she nonetheless complied.

    He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

    "Where have you been ?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

    "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

    The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

    An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.

    The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

    One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

    "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
    If you are laughing, send me your smile.
    If you are eating, send me a bite.
    If you are drinking, send me a sip.
    If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

    The husband text back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
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    Yesterday I was at my local WalMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Fred, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had an elephant?

    So because I'm old and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

    WallMart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask old people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
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  • Very Funny Little Mr.Bean

    Little Mr.Bean in a new Secondary School

    TEACHER : There will be an elementary science test next week.

    Contrary to his nature,
    Little Mr.Bean reads his book from cover to cover like no man's business.

    On test day, teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible.

    QUESTION 1 : Looking at the leg of a bird write down its common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc.

    After about 20 min of frustration and not writing down anything,

    Little Mr.Bean storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher.

    Little Mr.Bean : Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home!

    TEACHER : What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name ?

    Little Mr.Bean raises his trouser and points to his leg "you too, look at my leg and tell me my name, my surname, my house address, what tribe I come from...."
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  • A Letter To President

    A little boy wanted 10$ very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

    Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the 10$.

    When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA..

    So They decided to forward it to the President of the USA as a joke.

    The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $10.

    The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy,

    and he did not want to spoil the kid.

    The little boy was delighted with 7$, and decided to write a thank you note to God,

    which read:

    Dear God: 

    Thank you very much for sending the money.

    However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in
    Washington, D.C and those donkeys deducted $3 as tax ......."
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  • hilarious

    Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer!

    In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

    He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

    She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me... You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. 

    You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you...”

    The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney (the opponent's lawyer)?"

    She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. 

    He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. .. Yes I know him."

    The defense attorney almost died.

    The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to jail for contempt of court!!!
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  • how a Professor explained Marketing Concepts to a class

    This is how a Professor explained Marketing Concepts to a class:

    1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"

    - That's Direct Marketing.

    2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.Marry him!"

    - That's Advertising.

    3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can I marry you?"

    - That's Brand Recognition.

    4. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

    - That's Customer Feedback.

    5. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.

    - That's Demand and Supply Gap.

    6. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go upto her and before you say: "I m rich, Marry me!", your wife arrives.

    - That's Restriction for Entering New Markets.

    I hope Concepts are clear...

    Class is adjourned.
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  • Its So Funny

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

    The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

    So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

    However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

    The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. 

    He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!

    One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

    He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. 

    How can I possibly repay you?"

    My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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  • Cutest Proposal Ever & Funny

    Boy: I have a big question and I am hoping you can give me the answer?

    Girl: What is it ?

    Boy: You see most part of our body has a pair right? Without each one our body is unbalanced!!

    Ex: hands,eyes,ears ,legs,lungs,kidney etc?

    Girl: so ? whats the question?

    Boy: the question is.. Can I have your heart to pair with my heart?? Because without you my life is unbalanced!!!

    After Few Years Later, A Boy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a Girl behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

    He is rather taken back that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry, do you know me?"

    She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."

    His mind shoots back to the one and only time he'd been unfaithful.

    "Holy crap," he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass??
    "No," she replies, "I'm your son's Math Teacher."
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    A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

    During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.

    She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

    Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates."

    About a week later, his roommate came to him saying,

    “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

    He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

    He sat down and wrote :

    Dear Mother:

    I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

    your son.

    Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

    Dear Son:

    I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…

    Love, Mom.

    Thumbs up if you think that Every Mother have a third eye on their child always!
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    Smith Finished work on Friday and decided to give any lady that came his way a lift. 

    After the 2nd turn from office, he saw a nun and gave her a lift.

    While they were going he did not know how to start a conversation with her, therefore, he placed his hand on her laps pretending if it was a gear stick.

    The sister softly said Mathew7:7' , he quickly removed his hand, and resume concentrating on his driving.

    He attempted it the 2nd and 3rd time, and each time, she repeated, Mathew 7:7'. 

    When the nun got to her destination, she opened the door and said to Smith, 'Youngman, the problem with you is that you don't read your Bible.

    When Smith got home, he opened his Bible to MATHEW 7:7 which reads "ASK & IT SHALL BE GIVEN". Smith nearly cried.

    After Few Months Later, Smith got married and on his wedding night he calls his father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.

    Smith: so what do i do first?

    His father: take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.

    5 minutes later, Smith on the phone again. "she is naked and in bed, what do i do now?" his father can't believe what he is hearing.

    Father: take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her"

    After another 5 minutes, poor Smith is on the phone again.

    Smith: dad i'm naked and in bed with her, what do i do now?.

    His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "shit son, do i have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees Good night!!!

    Just when the old man starts snoring, Smith is on the phone again.

    Smith: ok dad, i have my head in the toilet bowl, what do i do next?

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  • Very Very Funny

    Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

    One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find  a woman who will be a good wife?"

    Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

    His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

    A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

    With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl.

    She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

    The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

    Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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  • Clever Woman

    An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

    After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right), an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". 

    The president curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. 

    The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square." "Done", the elderly woman answered.

    "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

    That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

    The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. 

    Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. 

    "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. 

    He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
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